You Should Consider Leaving That One-sided Relationship
Happy Friday! Who else is ready for the weekend? I know I am! During the week I don’t get to see many people (although this week was different for me). So, once its the weekend, except I absolutely need to rest, I am always on the streets (haha). Anyway, let’s get into today’s topic: one sided relationships.
This happens a lot. Boy meets girl, boy is excited about girl. Girl may or may not be interested initially. Eventually girl agrees to boy’s pleas for a relationship. Then somewhere down the line, the other shoe drops and girl begins doing the heavy lifting. During this time, girl might be afraid to speak up and say that she senses things have become odd. Because girl has been bitten by the relationship bug. And as such doesn’t want the relationship to end. Truth is, there isn’t even any relationship anymore.
A relationship is a two-way street. If both parties are committed to making a relationship work, it will. If one person is willing and the other person involved possesses a nonchalant attitude towards what you are trying so hard to build, then in no time, the relationship will crash and burn. So, how can one properly navigate a one-sided relationship?
1) Tell yourself the truth: women love to lie to themselves and to others when it comes to relationships. We make up excuses for other people's behavior that might be detrimental to us, especially if we are in a relationship with those people. We lie to cover up their mishaps to our friends and loved ones, to save face. However, if you are tired of being stuck in a one-sided relationship, then you must have an honest conversation with yourself.
Ask yourself questions like—why do I feel like this is one-sided? Is there anything he does that makes me feel he isn’t putting in any effort in the relationship? Is he taking advantage of the love I have for him? If you can honestly answer these questions (and other questions that come to mind), then the next step is to communicate your feelings or perceptions to your partner.
2) Communicate that truth with your partner: over the years, I found it difficult to express myself to whomever I was involved with due to a plethora of things such as fear and insecurities. There is this lie that lurks around, making women believe that if they use their words to express how they feel in a relationship, then their partner would leave. It even happens while getting to know someone (with the intent of dating them).
As such, I swallowed most of the issues I had in relationships and tried to resolve them within myself - that did not work. The relationships still ended, and I was left devastated with all my emotions and no one but friends to share them with. Sometimes, these issues can be resolved by having a simple conversation with the person you are in a relationship with. So, you have to be first honest with yourself, then with your partner.
3) Avoid being passive-aggressive: news flash - the person you are dating is not a mind reader. Some women tend to turn to passive aggression when they can’t voice their opinion on what is really doing them (as we say in Nigeria). They’d instead give their partner the silent treatment, slam doors, and remain in a funky mood all day.
I remember doing these a lot and it actually got me nowhere. And if you are involved with someone who doesn’t care, they wouldn’t even bother to find out what the problem is. Rather than being passive-aggressive, be matured. Sit your partner down and let him know what he is truly doing wrong—communicate your feelings—if for some reason he minimizes how you feel, then you might have to start considering other options.
4) Take a break: most people are petrified of taking breaks when it comes to dating and relationships. Taking a break provides you with ample time to step back and reevaluate your relationship. When that happens, you can begin to make decisions with a clear mind, not clouded by emotions, infatuation, or “love.” Once the break is over, be prepared to have a conversation. During the conversation, both of you can then decide if the relationship is worth continuing. And if you choose to come back together, you do so on a clean slate.
5) End the relationship: if all of these are said and done, and still there is no hope or room for improvement, perhaps it is now time to kiss that relationship good-bye. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t choose them or care for them. It is a very difficult position to find oneself in you when you settle for that type of relationship. And no, it doesn’t get better. I will let you in on a little secret - if there is something I regret to this day (a few months shy of one year since my relationship ended), is that I didn’t walk away when I noticed that the relationship became one-sided. I believed I could convince him, or that God somehow would intervene in the way I wanted. None of those worked for me.
I am not saying people should walk away when things become difficult; in fact I am that type of individual who will go to the distance with you in a relationship. However, especially in dating relationships, especially the types where you have already seen some things which make you uncomfortable - the breakdown of such relationships appears to remind you to leave. Trust me, it is not the end of the world when that happens (except Jesus comes immediately after).
You will laugh again, you will dry your tears, you will meet other people, and if you are like me who compromised on certain things, then the end of that relationship is a loving disciplinary measure from Christ, to mold you into the person he wants you to be. Rather than despise it; embrace it. Now, I look back and thank God for taking me through the journey he did when the relationship ended.
I don’t believe I will be where I am today, if that relationship did not end. In as much as I would love to blame my ex (completely) for the demise of our relationship, God had a hand in it. (I’d talk more at a later time why I believe it was God’s will for things to end the way it did.) In the meantime you can catch up on this article - Why I Think My Relationship Ended.
So, we’ve come to the part of the article where I want to hear about your own experiences. Kindly leave your comments below, or reply to this email. Please, share this piece with others - there is love in sharing (don’t hoard this for yourself). Also encourage others to subscribe to this platform. Have an amazing weekend! PS: if you haven’t read my true-life short story series Twists and Thorns, please click this link: Twists and Thorns 1
If you haven’t yet subscribed, click the subscribe now button below to receive our articles directly to your inbox. If you have subscribed, please consider upgrading to become a paid subscriber to continue supporting this publication.
For those in Nigeria who have been asking how you can support my work, I have great news!! You can now subscribe monthly for 2500 Naira (only) and yearly for 25,000 Naira (only). See the links below:
Those outside Nigeria, and parts of Africa where there is no restriction, can continue using the payment integration on this platform. And for those of you who have already begun supporting my work, I am incredibly grateful for it. Check out the related posts below:
5 Types of Men to Avoid When dating