You Are the Reason Why Your Relationships Keep Failing
Hello guys! I am back from my short hiatus to report for duty as your weekly dispeller of Monday Blues. It was last week Monday when I decided that it was okay to take a break. I was overwhelmed with the difficulties I have sleeping and getting off work late, that I needed to take some time off. But I am back now; I will never abandon you guys - this platform means a lot to me. Also, I will like to say a big welcome to our new subscribers. I have been getting the notifications. Thank you so much for deciding to be a part of this journey (you are in for a great ride). So, let’s get into today’s topic.
I went out with a friend who was visiting from outside the country. While we were in the midst of brunching (the food was very disappointing though, not all places should have a brunch menu just for the sake of it), he asked, “I thought you were about to get married, what happened?” “Married?” I answered a bit confused. He said, “when I reached out to you last year, you said you were in a relationship.” Oh, that relationship, I thought in my head, I must have painted it more seriously than it was. So, I went ahead and explained why the relationship ended. And he said jokingly, “are you sure you are not the problem?”
I immediately responded, “No, I’m not, I actually wanted the relationship to work, but it was beyond my control.” Then we moved on to other things. Later on in the day, while I pondered the conversation, I thought, “maybe I was the problem…in fact, I was the problem.” I came to this conclusion because most times, as Christian women, seemingly living our lives for Christ, when someone comes on scene, who doesn’t necessarily take their walk with God as serious as they should, we begin to make excuses for them, just because we want to enter into a relationship with them.
“They are still on their journey,” we say to ourselves and to others, when they ask us why we are with said person, “not everyone, will be on the same level,” (whatever that means) we often delude ourselves. Yes, said person might be on their journey with Christ, perhaps, a baby Christian, who doesn’t yet have a full understanding of how God wants us to handle ourselves when it comes to relationships, that’s fine, as long as they are committed to growing in Christ. However, romantic relationships sometimes becomes a distraction from that person’s growth.
You, who is then the “matured Christian,” begins to compromise on the things that you know you shouldn’t be compromising on. On one hand, you are telling the person about Christ, giving them grief about not praying enough, or not showing up to church on time, and the other hand, you are busy doing things with the person, that you shouldn’t be doing. How then do you want that person to grow, when they can have their cake and eat it?
How do you want them to treat you differently from the others they have been involved with in the past? What makes your case different? That you are a good girl who sometimes feels bad for desecrating God’s temple? If you keep compromising on God’s truth just because you want to get married, then I have news for you, you are the problem – just like I was the problem in all my relationships.
I kept compromising, just because I wanted to be married. I kept cheapening myself, not realizing that my body is the temple of God. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
There are a lot of marriages with plenty issues because of the sinful foundation they were built on. There are a lot of marriages breaking up in these times, because of the sinful foundation they were built on. We as Christians cannot afford to turn a blind eye to the causal effects of these things. If we do, we only delude ourselves.
I am glad that after that relationship ended, Christ took me on a journey of discipline. More than the pain of losing someone that I once cared for, he showed me that going against God’s truth bore far more serious consequences. Consequences that I never want to bear. So, while I went true the painful journey of being disciplined by God, it taught me a great lesson – to keep God’s commands, no matter what.
I remember one of the scriptures I kept confessing in that season was found in Psalm 119:71-72 which says, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees. Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver.” (NLT). I kept saying to God, “God you are good, and do only good.” To convince myself that what I was experiencing was necessary for my growth, because Christ says in Revelation 3:19, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.” (What an incredible privilege it is to be disciplined by God).
Thus, if you are tempted to say yes to a relationship, when God has already opened your eyes to the red flags, please reconsider. It will only end in tears, and you might just keep being the reason why your relationships don’t work out.
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