It's High Time Christians Stop Dating Non-Christians
I know the title of this article might ruffle some feathers, I however believe that we need to start telling ourselves the truth. Before we get into all that, Happy new month! I am so excited about September because my birthday is in a few days! August began well and ended well for me. And as such, I am incredibly grateful to God. I hope you had a great week, and are looking forward to a restful weekend (because I know, I am). If you haven’t yet read my previous article: I Think Its Time We all Stopped Complaining, please click the link to catch up on it.
Okay, let’s cut out the small talk, and get into today’s topic. The subject of faith and how it relates to romantic relationships has been hotly debated over the years. Some people wonder why their belief in God should interfere with their love life. They have become experts in compartmentalization that they believe the two (God and their lover) can never overlap or intertwine.
Then there are others like myself who believe that it is a deal-breaker if we both don't have the same foundational beliefs in Christ. In response, our opponents look at us and shake their heads, thinking: “they will remain single forever.” (Haha). While many Christians may hold differing beliefs or points of view when it comes to this topic, I believe that a person’s faith/religious beliefs should be strongly considered before you make that leap into happily-ever-after.
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When two people meet, it is easy for them to become swept up in romance. If the other person is attractive, tells you what you want to hear, and lavishes you with attention and compliments, then you are in relationship heaven. Or am I the only one who has had this experience? However, you must exercise caution at this stage of the relationship because if you are easily swayed by sweet nothings, you may be inclined to throw caution to the wind; failing to critically evaluate the necessary components needed to have a thriving godly relationship.
I’ve been guilty of this - I usually wait until I've fallen for someone before evaluating their walk with God. And when I realized that their relationship with Christ was somewhat non-existent; I found it difficult to let go. Which left me entangled in relationships that were not pleasing to God. When one partner in a relationship is not interested in pleasing God, the other person’s relationship with God begins to suffer.
This happens a lot with women. Before we meet someone, we have this list which includes things like: he must love the Lord, he must be God fearing. But then we are quick to compromise when we see other aspects of the list fulfilled in the person who stands in front of us: tall, light skinned, good looking (my spec, haha). As such, we begin to bargain with God that somehow he should make that person become a Christian or more serious with their relationship with Christ.
Then we don’t even wait for God to answer the prayers (if at all he is going to) before we dive in heard first into the relationship. And since the natural order of things is for men to be leaders in all things in the home, when he fails in the area of spirituality, we mostly relax our guard. We don’t pray as much when we are with them, and we don’t read our bible as much. We begin to compromise on the things we promised ourselves and God that we will never do again (See: How sex impacts Christian Dating). Thus, God seems as a distant memory - one we remember every now and again.
As Christians, our primary goal should be to always please God, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in, as much as it depends on us. If you notice that the person who is calling your name and making you blush, isn’t committed to Christ, I’d say you shouldn’t entertain such an individual. Because most times, sin will become evident in the relationship.
Of course I know this is not the case in every situation - there are people who have come to know Christ after meeting their life partner, because they were so influenced by that person’s walk with God - great! However, we cannot base the entire premise of our lives with an exception. It is better to thread with caution and be safe, than experiment and end up where you are not supposed to be. When you marry (or date) someone who also wants to please God, you can work together to achieve that common goal.
Now, how does one assess a person's relationship with God before deciding to enter a committed relationship with them?
I'd say by spending time with or around them. By studying them and asking pertinent questions, to avoid stories that touch such as: "He changed right after we got married." The dating process should be an evaluation process, not a time when you're both trying to get each other to bed - that is for married people.
These questions listed below can help you figure out where a person's head is when it comes to their relationship with or knowledge of God. Firstly, if you didn’t meet them in church, you can ask if they believe in God. If the answer is no, inquire the reason for their lack of belief in God. If they decide to share it with you, that's fantastic. But, as a Christian, you might want to start leaning toward the platonic side of your budding friendship at this point.
Because there's no need for trying to foster a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't believe in God - that means they don’t believe that your Father exists, or even if he does, they don’t care. Would you marry or even date someone who thought this to be true about your earthly father, because “you are in love?” (think about this).
However, if they are open to knowing God, I’d suggest that the romantic aspect of things be put on hold for a while, so you don't get emotionally involved in that journey. Instead of being the sole proprietor of this venture, introduce the individual to other Christians who can assist them in growing in their walk with Christ.
Secondly, if you met them in church, it doesn’t mean all bets are off. You still need to know what they believe about God and his son. So, asking questions like: Do you believe Jesus is the Son of God and is the only way to God? And are you a Christian? Can help you have a sense of who this person is. Thirdly, if the person says they are a Christian, follow up questions such as: What church community are you are part of? How often do you go to church? And how often do you pray and read your bible? Will aid you in understanding what this person believes (primarily) about God and Jesus.
And as you get to know the person better, you can start asking them questions about the Bible and their perspective on it. If they believe the stories in the Bible are mythological or true. You can also start asking questions about their worldview at this point. You will be astounded by what you discover. Just because someone claims to be a Christian or believes in God does not mean you should not ask questions about their relationship with God or their interpretation of the Bible.
I remember meeting someone who once told me that he didn't believe in hell because he couldn't understand how a loving God could send people to hell. We had several conversations about it, and it eventually came out that he wasn't even a Christian. He was an atheist who masqueraded himself as a Christian to catch my attention.
The Bible warns Christians against marrying those who don’t believe through many passages of scripture. 2 Corinthians 6:14 also poses this question: “What business does light have with darkness?” This is not meant to be mean or to cause strife; rather, God wants to protect the believer (by all means) from becoming influenced by those who do not believe.
So, before you go ahead and join yourself to someone - you should always stop to think about the big picture. How would we raise our kids? In what ways would this person be able to encourage me (and vice versa) when hard times come, if not with the word of God? Can I be in a union with someone who I can’t pray with?
I don't think it's worth the hassle. You need a partner who can support you on all fronts – physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually…You need someone who will take this stance as Joshua did in Joshua 24:15 - “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
In conclusion, if you are a Christ follower and are tempted to settle just because you feel like “time is running out,” be patient. Even those who claim to be Christians but do not uphold godly values should be avoided. Do not succumb to societal, peer or familial pressure – I know, they can be torturous. However, you must do your due diligence – it is better to take your time and make a wise decision than to rush ahead and make a costly mistake.
So, over to you. Have you been in a relationship with someone who did not believe in God or was not serious with their relationship with Christ? I’d like to hear your stories. Kindly reply this email or leave your comments below. Please, share this piece with others - there is love in sharing (don’t hoard this for yourself alone). Also encourage others to subscribe to this platform.
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