Will Sex Solve the Problem?
Hello guys! I hope your week is off to a great start. I can’t believe that the month of January is already ending. It did not seem that long to me. 2024 is moving quickly ahead, and so much has happened. I pray God continues to lead us in the way that we should go – and let’s not forget to pray for our Christian brothers and sisters who are facing persecution here in Nigeria and around the world.
So, I was watching a talk show on YouTube (as usual), where they spoke about a man who came out to say that his wife knew he was a homosexual before they got married. He said that he revealed this to her two weeks before their wedding, and she still agreed to go ahead with the wedding.
This tweet, or should I say ‘X’ sparked so many reactions. Some people said, if she attempted to have sex before they married, this wouldn’t have happened, because she would have known early enough that he wasn’t into women. Others said, homosexuality aside, how would you even know that you will enjoy sex with a person after you marry them, if you weren’t testing it out?
In fact, someone called into the show and suggested that the Church should change its rules on fornication because it is causing a lot of problems for young people. There was a call for women to begin testing before they buy and leave religion behind because most homosexual and impotent men hide behind the guise of abstinence.
Hmmm, where do I begin? Just because many women have fallen prey to deceitful men, doesn’t mean that God’s word is faulty and needs to be fixed - the deceitful people need to be set free from their sin. The church (contrary to what some might believe) does not have the authority to change scripture because it is not the author of scripture. As such, what God has written in His word still stands, and it is honestly for our good.
Having sex with someone to discover if you will enjoy a lifetime of sex with them or if they are sexually attracted to your gender, or if they can even have sex at all will not provide you with the answers you desperately desire. You can have all the sex that you want, and someone who wants to deceive you will still deceive you. Because firstly, that sex is not allowing you to think clearly.
I once heard of the story about a man and a woman who enjoyed sex in their dating relationship, and one day the woman walked in on the man masturbating while watching gay porn.
One of the solutions I believe to save women (or anyone really) from entering deceitful unions is that they should not date in isolation. Relationships are a community affair. Would you have your private moments? Absolutely, however, those who you are in community with, or those who are your family (the sane ones) should be involved in a healthy manner.
I heard another story of a man who told a woman who was dating his friend, that the friend was a homosexual. That revelation, though devastating, saved her from a lot of trouble in the future.
Most times, others may not have the biased view you have of the person because they are not overtaken by emotions like you are. They are most likely to pick up on things that you are blinded to. And when you share your concerns with them, they can help guide you in the right direction.
Another thing which can help (for Christian relationships) is that the both of you are on the same page when it comes to the fundamental beliefs of the Christian faith. One person cannot believe what God says in his word about sexual immorality (“…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” 1 Corinthians 6:13)., and the other person is like, anywhere bele face.
The anywhere bele face person is more likely to cause their partner to sin. And if that anywhere bele face person has this type of outlook on life or on the things of God, then there is a high chance that they compromise on the truth in other aspects of their lives - you should have no business entering dating relationships with such people.
Sex Changes Over Time
Just because you had sex and it felt good doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage or even a great sex life. There are a lot of factors that come into play for a marriage to be a good or healthy one. The point most people miss out on when they try to make this argument is the fact that sex changes over time.
You can begin with having great sex, and somewhere down the line, when life begins to life, or other factors come into play, it might affect the way you both relate with each other. On the other hand, sex might begin in a way that is not so enjoyable for one person or both people, however, if you are in a marriage, which provides you protection, such issues can be discussed in a safe place, and as a result, the sex can be improved as time goes along.
I heard of a story of another couple (this time married) where the wife was afraid of having sex with her husband for one week during their honeymoon. The man, was however patient with his wife, and understood where she was coming from, and gave her all the time she needed to become comfortable with the idea of having sex. There was no judgement, no explosive arguments, or even abandonment. Just a man, who understood the vow he made to her, and chose to honor it no matter what.
When you get married to someone (assuming they have sense and fear God), they’ll understand that they can’t just up and leave because they are not enjoying something in the moment, because they have made that vow to you before God and the others who served as witnesses. As such, whatever the issue might be, with the help of Christ and other trusted people, it can be sorted.
But when you are dating and fornicating, the moment oga does not like what is happening in the bedroom, he can up and leave. Or if he still wants to string you along, he’ll keep you, and sleep with other women – a win-win for him, or so he thinks.
To conclude, whatever God has written or commanded is for our own good and protection. We will never be able to outsmart God or come up with a better way to achieve godly results. The end of perpetual disobedience to God’s word is always destruction.
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