Good morning guys! Happy Friday! I am so glad it is the end of the week so I can rest. I desire a Saturday, where I can just stay home and do nothing. Hopefully no one lures me into the streets of Lagos tomorrow, I need rest. How are all of you doing? I hope your week has been great. I will let you in on some truth, I struggled to put out this piece today.
Only God knows how many times I typed and erased, because I wasn’t inspired to write anything. But thanks be to God who came to our rescue. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing this piece for you all. Let’s get into today’s topic.
It has been said that single people have been facing a lot of pressure on social media streets these days. If you follow @Bellanaijaweddings on Instagram, there was plenty noise about the Nollywood actor, Kunle Remi, when he got married to his wife, who happened to be the niece of Otedola. While that got people talking and asking, “God when?” The gospel singer Moses Bliss had his fiancé dance her way into a lifelong relationship with him, and the Christian singles were thinking to themselves, Jesus, I know say miracle no dey taya you, so, when is it going to be my turn?
While it may initially seem like harmless banter, if not monitored, it could potentially fuel an unhealthy longing for a relationship, leading you to settle for someone not intended for you by God. This stems from a perception that time is slipping away, especially as your peers progress into parenthood, leaving you genuinely apprehensive about the course of your life.
As such, you may become tempted to compromise on all sorts – throwing whatever level of dignity you have out the window. After all they say; good girl no dey pay. Isn’t it funny how the enemy releases his subtle lies into culture, and before you know it you are being conformed by it. Why is that person who is fornicating getting married to a good man? What is the point of honoring God with my body? Abeg, this good girl thing true-true no dey pay!
Many have even come to the false conclusion that God must no care about fornication and/or the way we live our lives. Social media is partly responsible for this, it programs us to believe that there is something we are missing out on that every other person is enjoying – I believe it is called fomo, fear of missing out.
Romans 12:2 has given us a solution when faced with such pressures and lies from the enemy, it says: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Regardless of the numerous social media slogans urging conformity to worldly norms, our purpose is to undergo transformation through the renewal of our minds. If social media starts fostering unhealthy desires in you, consider turning it off. It is wiser to remain single and be in God's will than to enter a sinful relationship or one where you will be treated poorly.
Marriage has been trivialized
The bar for relationships has been lowered by today’s culture and society. Statements like, you can still love someone and cheat on them, weighs heavy on people’s lips. So, when you share with someone that your partner is messing around with other women, you will be met with statements like, men will always be men. So be a big girl and chest it. 99.99999% of women in the world deal with the same thing, they say.
Even when people discover horrific things about their partner before their wedding – God through his graciousness has exposed something, and has given them an out, they are still pushed to go ahead with the wedding and marriage because of all that has already been invested. What kind of marriage will such people have? In such circumstances the erring partner will not be accountable for anything or to anyone, because he has seen that he can get away with anything.
I saw a post floating around social media, where a lady sent another lady a direct message, asking if she was someone’s girlfriend. The person who was being asked the question said, if you want to tell me my boyfriend is cheating on me just keep it to yourself because I want to enjoy Valentine’s Day, something along those lines. Which is better; to enjoy a day with a deceptive partner, or to discover the truth and move on? It turned out that the boyfriend had set up a surprise for her, which the other lady was trying to communicate. However, there are many people who operate with this mindset when cheating is their reality.
Cheating or infidelity has become so trivialized that most people would advise women who are about to get married that such is bound to happen so they can manage their expectations. We are forced to believe that there is nothing good out there, even in the church, (in fact those ones are the worst, they tell us) and as such, we should settle and not demand devotion from anyone if we want to be married.
Your standards are too high! They scream at women, Christian women, lower them! Or else you no go find husband. Then you watch with great sadness, devout Christian women, dedicate their lives to unbelieving men, with the hopes that they will somehow change and one day grow to love a God that they have denounced. Don’t give into the pressure.
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I watched a talk show where a man wrote in saying how much he loves his wife and how much of a good wife and mother she is, but he gets more thrill out of being with his girlfriend. And when the hosts continued their discussion on love and marriage, one of them simply said that it wasn’t a big deal because you could still love someone and cheat on them. Cheating was a self-control issue and not love issue – she concluded.
I think this faulty view of marriage stems from the fact that people don’t really understand what marriage is about. Marriage was created by God as we see in Genesis 2. In Malachi 2, we see that he desires godly children from Christian couples, and in Ephesians 5, we see marriage pointing to something bigger - Christ’s relationship with his church.
How can one make a solemn commitment and vow to forsake all others, to remain faithful and true, only to easily smash that vow into pieces? Claiming love while breaking such a commitment raises questions about the sincerity of one's feelings. Would you casually breach a contract with a business partner? Of course not, because you understand that such a decision can land you in a court of law. The breaking of one’s marriage vows has far more devastating consequences.
But isn’t it the same way we treat our relationship with Christ? We claim to love him, yet we break his commandments. Jesus said in John 14:15, that if we love him, we will keep his commandments. It is that simple.
People would usually show you who they are before you enter a lifelong commitment with them. If your partner is cheating on you while you are dating; that is, he is entertaining other women, and possibly sleeping with them, you will see the same thing in marriage. It is better that you don’t settle for someone who isn’t necessarily devoted to Christ, and then expect him to uphold godly values – it would not work.
God renews strength even while we wait
I know its hard to keep waiting for something that you do not even know when or if it will happen. I know – from time-to-time thoughts of despair creeps into my heart. I had one of such moments a few days ago. My house is growing increasingly lonely as the years go by. I desire a godly husband and to raise godly children as God would desire from Christian couples. Yet my heart rests in this, that if God could willingly sacrifice his only begotten son on my behalf, on our behalf, just so we don’t pay the penalty for our own sins, that is if we believe in him, then is it a husband that will be too hard for him to provide?
And so, I trust that every good thing he has purposed in his heart for me will come in his time. The bible says – blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord whose trust is the Lord. As such, be patient; may the good Lord renew our strength while we wait on him to act.
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This is such a beautiful and timely article. I have been going through the same thoughts, asking if God will do it as He has said. I have even began to doubt if I heard well or it was just my mind, but God always has a way of ministering to us when we need Him the most and this is it.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this article. For someone who is trying to turn things around, words can't do justice to how empowering and thought changing this article is. Thank you, again.
I pray God visits you with martial breakthrough, in His own miraculous and glorious way. He never lies and I am sure very soon, you will be writing about your testimony for the world to see the goodness of God on your life, Amen.
“If God can give His only son, will husband be difficult for him…?” So true. I so agree that God will not withhold anything good from us if He could give Jesus. I pray that as we wait for our desires our faith and trust in Him will grow. Amen.