How I Managed My Disappointments
Happy Friday!! Thank God the weekend is here. This week was an interesting one. The rains did not relent. And if you live in the part of Lagos where I do, there was absolutely no movement. People where in standstill traffic for hours. I sent my neighbor a message two days ago, asking how the roads were, and he replied, “don’t even bother going out.” I am glad that I didn’t have to go anywhere. Enough about me and the weather - how was your week? Are you glad the weekend is here?
Anyway, today’s topic is one which everyone gets to experience. My cousin gave me grief for giving my niece the balloons someone had given me to celebrate my new job. I said to him, “do you want her to start crying?” And he replied, “if you keep doing this, how would she learn about disappointment?”
The term “disappointment,” is something I am very familiar with - From company rejection emails which say: We're sorry, but we decided to move along with a more qualified candidate, to men saying: I want somebody else. To being deported. (I talk about this here: Telling this lie got me deported.)
Such disappointments cause you to wonder if you are the only one experiencing them. Social media doesn’t help to curtail this feeling either. You see people getting engaged, announcing their new position here and there. They're traveling the world, spending money on their pleasures, posting pictures of matching Christmas pajamas with their lovers, and landing all the deals you wish you had. And you're thinking to yourself, “God, when are things going to turn around for me?”
Such thoughts (and more) plagued me for years - especially when I had a faulty view of how God desired Christians to live (I talk more about this here: Naming and Claiming It and The Effects it Has on Christians). Now, I look back on everything I have gone through and I am grateful to God for those times when I kicked and screamed (like a toddler) about the things that were happening that I did not like.
Hindsight they say, is 20/20 (I don’t know why 50-50, was in my head, haha). I’d like to preface it by saying it’s sometimes 20/20, because not everyone embraces life’s difficulties. And when they are moved passed it, they bury those memories, never to be dug up again. In today's article, I'll share five ways I've dealt with disappointments. Let's get started:
Accept disappointments are a part of life: If you are currently dealing with a disappointment, what you are experiencing isn't unusual. People get disappointed in various aspects of life. It could be the result of unfulfilled expectations or a personal failure. Whatever the case may be, it happens, and you have to accept it for what it is.
Learn the lesson your disappointment presents: There are always gems hidden in the midst of our disappointments and failures. It felt like death when I was deported (or rather, removed from the United States). It destroyed the safety net I had built for myself over the previous 11 years. However, that experience was jam-packed with life lessons, one of which was that telling a lie can have disastrous consequences (something you don't learn in school, haha).
Surround yourself with supportive people: Oh my goodness, I am a blessed girl! God has blessed me with incredible family members and friends. They held my hand as I went through the difficult season of being deported, and they did not pass judgment on me. My brother would tease me now and then, but it was all in good fun. I had one of my friends call me from the US every day with her regular phone (not whatsapp oh) just to check on how I was doing. The others packed up my apartment and shipped my belongings back to me. What better people could I ask for?
Pray: This was difficult for me to do while dealing with the disappointment of being deported - because I was disappointed with God. I felt He let me down since He “did not” respond to my cries for help. However, I believe it was the prayers of others that helped me get through that difficult time. In retrospect, I am relieved that things turned out the way they did. Isn't it typical of God not to provide us with what we think we need? He knows what is best for us, no matter how difficult things appear to be at the time.
Consider this: if you are a parent whose child is crying for something, and you know that thing isn’t good for them, would you give it to them? The answer is no. No matter how much they cry, their tears wouldn’t soften your heart to hand them something that will harm them. If earthly parents have been blessed with wisdom from God to do this (even if they don’t do it perfectly all the time) how much more God? If you are his child - if you like cry from now till tomorrow, if the answer is a “no,” then no, it will be.
Keep moving forward: Ever head the saying; “don’t park by your disappointments and successes?” Well, it wasn’t said that way, but you get the point. Just because one door closes does not mean the end of your life or the end of the world. You must be willing to try new things. You might be good at something else other than the thing that didn't work out. I have a bachelor's degree in chemical engineering. After many doors were slammed in my face while trying to find work, I gave up on my dream of working for one of Houston's finest engineering firms and traveling the world. The white picket fence, as well as the husband, who was an American citizen, also had to go.
Then I tried my hand at writing. I started this journey in Lagos. I believe that if my deportation had not occurred, I would not have discovered this gift. And you wouldn’t be part of this newsletter (can you imagine?) So, rather than wallow in your sorrow, pick yourself up, dust your clothes, and keep moving forward by God's grace. Disappointments and failures sometimes happen to remind us to depend on God.
I’ll end with this story from Paul found in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10: “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.
God is not saying when you come crying to him again: “ooooh this my child, what is it this time?” He desires that we keep coming back to him. The beauty of life is that we have a God who is willing to walk through difficulties and disappointments with us. This is one of the ways he refines us into becoming more like his son, Jesus.
So, we’ve come to the part of the article where I want to hear about your own experiences. Kindly leave your comments below, or reply to this email. If this piece resonated with you, it will resonate with others. Please, do me a favor and share it with them. Also encourage others to subscribe to this platform. Have an amazing weekend!
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