My Struggle with God's Will
Challenging the divine path
“When You don’t move the mountains, I’m needing You to move, when You don’t part the waters, I wish I could walk through, when You don’t give the answers, as I cry out to you, I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.” You may already be wondering if I've transformed into a poet or songwriter, but fear not, the lyrics from Lauren Daigle's song, "Trust in You," will become relevant later in this post. Anyway, happy Friday! Who else had a hectic week?
For more than a week now, I've been plagued by a persistent headache, putting a strain on my productivity. Despite celebrating the platform's growth, I've been privately battling this lingering pain that refuses to fade away. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated - maybe a week-long vacation on a peaceful island is just what I need (haha).
Before I continue digressing, “Trust in You” was one of my favorite songs because it was a declaration of faith. When you're not dealing with anything it's easy to believe that you'll be full of faith when difficulties arise. When you haven't faced the type of situation that weighs people down, it's easy for you to tell them to trust God.
I remember singing every lyric with my full chest whenever this song came on the radio. But there came a time when I despised the lyrics to the same song. It had nothing to do with the artist, but everything to do with the situation I was in.
My dream job eluded me for many years after I graduated from university. There was no company I didn't contact, and no one in the industry I didn't ask for help. I studied chemical engineering and waited for that big break: you know, the one where you get a job at a prestigious company like Shell or Chevron, and you start living your best life at a young age — that opportunity never came looking for me.
I was so close to getting one of those dream jobs but the rug was pulled out from under me. It happened several times, yet I didn't want to return home to pursue other opportunities. So I kept struggling, hoping that God would open the door that I so desperately wanted to walk through.
Some of my engineering friends were already living their best lives, and I wanted to be like them; not having to rely on my parents and being able to do whatever I wanted. All of my prayers for success, however, seemed to fall on deaf ears. Nothing was happening (that I desired).
During this time I began to have numerous dreams about Nigeria. I saw myself in a supermarket, a hair salon, or hanging out in front of my childhood home. Whenever I awoke from such dreams, I rebuked them! I didn't want to have anything to do with living in Nigeria. And anyone who knows me personally knows I am a dreamer. And once something appears multiple times in my dreams, there is a chance that it will soon become a reality.
Thus, I was terrified. My fear drove me to keep praying and crying out to God. I had a small window for which I wanted him to act, because I was traveling to Nigeria for a wedding. I needed him to do what I wanted, and to do it quickly. God can do anything, right?
In my season of persevering through prayer, I would hear things like “Trust in the Lord and in the power of His might.” Psalm 105:4-6 or “For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.
I kept fighting those narratives because I knew deep down that what I wanted was not what God wanted for me. Lauren's song (Trust in you) didn't help matters. It would randomly come on the radio and I would become upset and turn it off! Unlike Lauren, I did not want to trust in God. I needed him to tell me things like, "Chevron will call you and offer you your dream job."
What Do You Do When God's Will Doesn't Align with Yours?
Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane cried out to God, pouring his heart out, asking for the cup to pass over him. He however, ended with this — “nevertheless, not my will but your will be done.” Sometimes, the greatest misconception we get from the church is the one about God wanting to fulfill our every desire just the way we want it.
Most pastors spend ample time preaching about breakthroughs and how God wants to take you from zero to a 100, (overnight) and their congregation are pumped by these messages, while holding onto them like they are the gospel of Jesus Christ - I was one of those. I believed that if I professed it, or desired it, then God was obligated to perform it.
Don't get me wrong: God desires that all of us be blessed. Indeed, one of the many benefits of Jesus' death and resurrection was that in him, the blessings of Abraham could come upon the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith (Galatians 3:13-14).
The fact that you are alive indicates that you are currently reaping his benefits. Isn't the sun shining on you? When it rains, does it skip your home? Certainly not! According to the Bible, he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the just and the unjust. God's blessings doesn’t have to be materialistic.
Does God want you to live life in the best possible way? Absolutely! But what we classify as best life isn’t God’s own definition of the best life. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 (NKJV)
The best life you can live on earth is one filled with obedience to God's word and his leading. It is when you arrive on time for work, even if your boss is difficult. It is when you serve your local church even when you are tired. It is when you love him wholeheartedly and your neighbors as yourself. It is in believing him when there is no other reason to believe him. It begins with seeking him, and everything else follows. (Matthew 6:33).
I kept running away just like Jonah in the Bible, but God eventually won. In the most dramatic way possible, I returned to Nigeria (I will be sharing this story soon). Nonetheless, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me in recent times. That prod from God compelled me to submit to his will for my life.
I decided that my life would not look like that of my peers, and that was fine. The more I began to walk in obedience, the better things became for me. When I pray now, I pray for his desires, directions, and plans for my life, because they are good (as Jeremiah 29:11 states). And I can take comfort in knowing that he loves me more than I love myself.
So, in what areas are you struggling with trusting God? I’d like to hear from you. Kindly reply this email or leave your comments below. Also, please like and share this post with someone, as it helps to push the publication to more people who could benefit from it.
Remember to subscribe if you haven’t yet done so, and if you have, please consider upgrading to become a paid subscriber to continue supporting this publication. Since this is the weekend, if you’d like to cozy up to a compelling true story, click this link: Twists and Thorns 1 (all parts are available on my personal blog). Have an amazing weekend!