5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Return to an Ex
Happy Monday! I am back with adding some color to your new week (and I take this self-imposed role very seriously). How was your weekend? I hope it was more restful than mine. Lagos traffic isn’t for the faint at heart. I discovered this statement to be true on Saturday when I spent over two hours on a 15 minute drive. See me see the junction of where I was supposed to turn into - as our ancestors would say, it was just a stone throw away.
So near, but indeed so far away. I nearly cried. I was frustrated and my hunger for food didn’t make the matter any easier. I went from being angry at the person who caused me to go later than I intended, to realizing that it wasn’t even his delay that put me in the bind I was in - it was going to happen no matter the time I left my house. What of Sunday morning nko? That will be story for another day. Let’s get right into today’s topic.
Have you ever ended a relationship and regretted it moments later? That was me in my third relationship during university (I promise to finish working on my book manuscript this year so you guys can read my story.) So, an outside influence made me end this relationship with my boyfriend at the time. And after I did, I wanted to get back with him. The relationship wasn’t even a good one - it was a sinful one and at the time, I didn’t even care about the things of God that much even if I was a Christian.
So, one day, I went over to his apartment to plead with him to take me back, but he was forming - I will think about it (haha, men, know your worth and add tax). Things however took a different turn when my mother fell ill. Every thought of that relationship or the ex went out the window. The God or the things of God I once didn’t care so much about, became evident to me in that season, because I was confronted with something incredibly difficult. My mother eventually passed (you can read more about that here: Grief never truly goes away) and I never looked back on Mr. Ex again. There were far more too important things that occupied my mind.
People end relationships for a plethora of reasons. It could be anything from behavioral situations to conflicts in personal beliefs. Whatever the case might be, your ex is an ex for a reason. Just as there are many reasons why you CAN patch things up with your lost love, there are also several reasons why you SHOULDN’T entertain an old flame after they have been long gone. Those types of reasons are what we are going to be exploring in today’s article. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this short read.
1) Loneliness: this is such a tricky issue because it messes up with your emotions and causes you to forget why you left your ex to begin with. When Friday rolls around the corner, (and perhaps my article doesn’t provide you with the solace you desire, haha) you may begin to feel inadequate, or unwanted just because you don’t have anyone to hang out with or take you out on exciting dates. I understand this feeling, (even as a writer) I have been there.
But before you consider picking up your phone and shooting your ex an unnecessary text message, remember that they are your ex for a reason. There is a reason why you walked away, why you ended that relationship, or why they even broke up with you. Don’t wallow in your loneliness—share your raw feelings with God. He will fill up the void that is causing you to miss your ex in that moment. Loneliness is never a good reason to get into a relationship because when you do, that relationship runs the risk of becoming a codependent one (read more about that here: Codependency is bad for your relationship.)
2) No one else "wants" you: let’s say for instance after you and your ex broke up, you found yourself in a new relationship. And for some reason, that one failed as well. Or, you started getting to know someone new but that relationship ended up going nowhere and as a result you are distraught. This however, isn’t a good enough reason for you to go crying to your ex to take you back. While desiring a life-partner is normal, jumping from relationship to relationship isn’t. Take time out to discover what you really want, and heal first before opening up yourself to a possible relationship.
3) Money: money alone isn’t a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone, or to return to one that you have kissed good-bye. God is and will forever remain our source for provision. Even if your bank account is empty; trust him. I’d be honest with you all, because you have taken out of your time to dedicate yourself to reading my content. So, in a moment of truth and extreme vulnerability, I’d share this: my ex gave me one of his bank cards where he used to put money in the account for me to use on a weekly basis.
This was during my freelancing days where clients where very few in number. As such, I needed that extra support, and he was generous enough to bridge that gap without much complaint. On the day we ended our relationship, I handed him back his card, and that extra support seized.
I’d be lying to you if I didn’t think for a moment where I would get extra money from. But God reminded me that He was the one who made me, not anyone else and He would take care of me. Psalm 100: 3 says, “Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.”
Psalm 145:15-16 says, “The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.”
4) Sex: many of you must have heard this statement from a friend or friends, saying: “the sex is good, that is why I cannot get enough of him or leave him.” Perhaps you have even had this thought concerning your own relationship - however this shouldn’t be a reason or even a consideration when it comes to dating relationships because if you are unmarried, you shouldn’t be having sex.
Never return to an ex because of sex. Sex beclouds judgment; sex outside of marriage is a sin against God and essentially our own bodies. (Read more about this here: How sex impacts Christian Dating). If perhaps you have crossed that line; you shouldn’t go back to someone because of it. There are many facets that make a relationship a healthy and godly one, and your focus should be on those things and how you can strengthen them before heading into marriage.
5) Outside influences: while an outside influence can lead you to end a relationship like mine did, and outside influence can also lead you to patch things up with an ex. Your friends and family might adore an ex and petition for you both to get back together, whilst not knowing the entire reason for your relationship’s demise. Some might be privy to that clandestine information, yet, they still push for you to go waltzing back into his life. However, if the reasons you broke up are strong enough for you to stand your ground, then there is no point entertaining the idea just because people want you to. Stay true to yourself and to God, especially when you know he had a hand in the matter.
So, over to you. Have you been tempted to return to an ex? I’d like to hear your stories. Kindly reply this email or leave your comments below. Please, share this piece with others - there is love in sharing (don’t hoard this for yourself alone). Also encourage them to subscribe.
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