I was Once Crippled by Fear
Happy Monday, everyone! I hope your Monday started out better than it did last week. For myself, I chose to take the day off because I had a long weekend ( I cannot come and go and kill myself because of the daily bread God has already blessed us with, haha).
Any way, even though I took this day off, I still had to fulfill my commitment to send this post out today because I am dedicated to sharing my experiences and the wisdom God has given me with you. So, is it really a day off? Well, maybe, because I intend on going back to sleep after this. But, before I bore you further with this introduction, fear is the subject of today.
As a child, I struggled a great deal with fear. I watched countless films that perpetuated fear in unimaginable ways. Thanks to Nollywood; I was terrified of the dark and couldn't bear sleeping alone in my room. I frequently bribed my brother with money and sweet mouth to share my room at night.
Once it was around 3 p.m., I began negotiating; if you come and sleep in my room tonight, I will give you money or buy you suya. I was happiest when I knew someone would spend the night with me or when my father would be out of town - which meant I could move into my parents'room and spend nights with my mother.
I recall one instance when my mother and I spent the entire day shopping. I put away the groceries, cleaned up, and went in for a power nap around 5 p.m. This ostensibly short nap ended up lasting seven hours - as I awoke at 12 a.m. I quickly realized I had dozed off in my room but did not hesitate to enter my brother's room and spend the remainder of the night there.
By morning, as my father prepared to leave for work he walked past my brother's room which was still open and noticed me sleeping there. He was disappointed; he couldn't fathom why I left my room. I was seventeen and about to embark on a journey to a different continent for college, so there was immediate cause for concern. How was I going to survive?
When I resumed college I was fortunate to have a roommate. And after about a year, my brother joined me. We then got an apartment together. It was a small two-bedroom apartment, so, sleeping alone in a room at night was no longer an issue for me. However, after my brother graduated from college I was able to obtain a one-bedroom apartment which was perfect - I adored my itsy-bitsy space. I frequently wondered how my married friends who lived in large homes dealt with their spouses' absences on occasion. I never considered living alone in a five or six-bedroom house.
I returned home a few years later. At the time, the only available living space was a five-bedroom house. Although I desired an apartment, this was more cost-effective as it was free, and no one lived there. I was terrified as the day to move in inched closer, stalling as much as possible before finally moving in. I was 29 years old at the time. You'd think fear was a thing of the past - but as the second occupant of my home, it dealt with me fiercely.
I remember the first night being in the house leaving all the lights on. I also left the television on all night. I prayed like never before and after I entered the room for the night, I did not leave for anything until the following morning. Indeed, the first few days were particularly challenging - I stayed up until the sun arose to begin sleeping. Fear, which I battled as a child reared its ugly head once more.
One day, my father called to inform me that he was paying a visit. I was ecstatic. Someone else was going to be staying with me in the house. Simply thinking about it instilled confidence in me. He arrived, and the fear dissipated. Even though we did not share a bedroom, I switched off all the lights in the house. Even though his room was across the hallway from mine, for the first time in years, I slept like a baby.
Now, one might ask what superpowers my father possessed to expel fear. I, too, found myself pondering this. As such, I began to consider the potency of a person's presence. I felt safe simply because my father was in the house with me - even if I didn't see him all the time. This then prompted me to consider how much more powerful God's presence is.
Although we can’t see Him, we know He is there according to Hebrews 13:5-6, which says “Let your life be without covetousness, be content with whatever you have, for He has said “I will never leave you nor forsake you” so you can say with confidence that the Lord is my helper I shall not FEAR, what can mere man do to me?”
As such, I began to realize that the light within me was more powerful than the darkness surrounding me. If I could be alone during the day, why should it be any different at night? If I could trust God to protect me during the day, why should the night be a point of contention, when the Bible states that night is just as bright as day in God's eyes? Believe me or not, I became fearless from that point forward. With that simple realization, God delivered me from the spirit of fear.
If you battle with fear as I once did, consider the points below:
1: Trust in God - God has promised to never leave or forsake us. As he is always with us, we have nothing to fear. In the same way that my father was with me and I was not afraid, God, who all power belongs to and who protects us from both seen and unseen dangers is always with us. According to the Bible, whoever fears has not been perfected in love. Perhaps one way to understand what God's love means for us is to believe these words: “I will never leave you or forsake you.” A sense of confidence and peace flows from this revelation.
2: Know who you are in Christ - If we are afraid, it means we don't completely trust Him or maybe we don't know who we are in Christ Jesus. When you recognize your identity as a child of God and joint heir with Christ, you realize that nothing can separate you from His love and that you are more than a conqueror. And so, you can overcome fear.
3: Know what the Bible says about fear - There are numerous instances in the Bible where a statement begins with "fear not," demonstrating that if God tells His people not to be afraid, He does not perpetuate the spirit of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) says: “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
If you are experiencing anxiety or fear, please know that you are not alone. God is always there for you and with you. Remember that He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1John 4:4). I hope this helps.
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