How Far is too Far?
Happy new week everyone! I hope you had a great weekend. My Saturday was spent at home, sleeping. And on Sunday I went to church. We are currently studying some parts of the book of Genesis, and it has been a blessing. It is amazing to see how all of scripture points to Christ. This Christianity things is truly not about us oh. Anyway, if you missed my last article catch up here - How You Treat Your Employees Matter. Thank you to everyone who read, shared, and subscribed. Let’s get into today’s topic.
Many single Christians want to know how to handle their sexual desires/expressions during a dating relationship. They often ask this question: How far is too far? If you are a Christian, who grew up in a country like Nigeria, then you know that sex before marriage is a sin. Now, it’s one thing for something to be a sin, and it’s another thing for us to refrain from said thing. I mean we all see it play out in our lives. When we wake up, not planning to tell a lie, and something slips out of our mouth in response to something that we may have concealed years ago.
When it comes to the topic of “no sex before marriage,” many wonder what else they can use to fill up that space, because hormones would rage, once two people start getting close to each other, especially when physical attraction was what brought the two people together to begin with. So, as Christians, single Christians, how do we date without sinning against God? Are there other things that we can do, to which God can turn a blind eye, and our flesh would still be pleased?
I’d say, the purpose for why you want to enter a relationship with the opposite sex plays a significant part in what will happen in a relationship. If you are a believer, an older one at that, you cannot be in a relationship where the foundation is “let’s see how it goes.” That is a recipe for disaster. Such a relationship does not have a purpose, or a plan. It is what we Nigerians would refer to as “anywhere bele face.” In such relationships, it is very easy to begin compromising because there is no end goal in sight.
And most relationships of that nature end up breaking apart. Before you enter a relationship, you must have a goal. As Christians, we are not meant to date, just to date. The purpose for two people coming together should be for marriage. Now, does it mean it will end up that way? Not all the time. But when you both have a plan, have put measures in place to help keep sin as far away as possible, and you both are working towards a common goal, which is marriage, then most likely than not, the relationship will succeed.
Now, some Christians would say, yes, I understand all that you are saying. However, how far can I go with my partner while we are not yet married? Is kissing a sin? If hands migrate during a make-out session, should I feel guilty? Can we touch? After all, that isn’t sex and sex before marriage is a sin. But we are not having sex, so we are not committing sin. Hmmm, where do I begin?
I once used to ask these types of questions, and frowned at those who took everything, including kissing off the table. I believed that they did too much, and no be them holy pass. But as I continued to grow (and still growing) as a Christian, I have come to understand that it is not about how much I can get away with while in a relationship without “sinning,” rather it is about the type of life God has called the believer to live, whether single or married.
You see, in Matthew 5:27-30, Jesus calls the believer to a different type of standard, when he shared in his sermon on the mount. He said any man who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed sexual immorality with her. And he went ahead to say that whatever causes us to sin should be cut off. That is how seriously God takes sin. Why wouldn’t he?
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Peter 1:14-15 says, “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct...” 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light...” Then verse 11 says, “Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.”
The desire to want to touch, kiss, or caress your partner whom you are not married to, most times stems from our former passions which God has delivered us from. I know this to be true for me. I began indulging in sexual immorality at a young age, and when I got to my early 20s, I bought the lie, that for someone to show you that they loved you, sex and its derivatives must be involved. So, when that was lacking in a relationship, I also bought and believed the lie that it was because I was not attractive, which destroyed my self-esteem.
The reason why God has called us to abstain from all these things, the passions of our former ignorance and our flesh, is because they wage war against our souls. They are at constant odds against with what Christ did for us on the cross. He paid a high price for us with his blood, and what he expects from us is to honor him with our bodies. Since he has purchased us, we no longer belong to ourselves, but to him. Because the alternative is becoming a slave to sin which has proven destructive.
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Over the weekend I watch an interview of former Hollywood A-lister, Armie Harmer, whose fall from grace was catastrophic. A few years ago, his sexual preferences were leaked to the press when women who he once involved himself with, came out and began to share the types of things they did, and how he exerted dominance over them. This led to the loss of his marriage, his career, and almost the loss of his children. Sin has never been our friend, the enemy would like to have us believe that we are missing out on perversion, when destruction awaits, if not momentarily, but eventually.
Sex was created by God for two people (man and a woman – you know we must be clear these days) to enjoy in marriage. Hebrew tells us that marriage should be held in honor amongst all. If marriage is honorable, then sex withing marriage is also honorable, and the best we can do as single Christians is to wait to have it in its proper place so we can fully enjoy it – reaping its benefits.
So, what should we be doing as Christians in a dating relationship? Get to know each other deeply; spend your time discovering this person, who they are, and what they believe. This is very crucial because you want to be with someone who shares your Christian faith and the ideologies that have been shaped by it. Hang out with other people, get to know each other’s friends and families. And most importantly keep learning about God together. Being on the same page about pleasing God is advantageous when it comes to this issue. As a Christian, if you are with someone who does not believe the bible when it comes to the topic of sex, then you should start planning your exit. It is better to be alone and in the will of God, than to be in a sinful relationship.
1 Corinthians 7:1-2 says, “now concerning the things you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
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Thank you ma’am
More grace!