Doing These Things Helped Me Heal After My Heartbreak
Thank God it’s Friday! I can’t believe I just said that. As a freelancer, Mondays aren’t different from any other days of the week. Whilst most people cry and brood over the work week, I am busy enjoying myself because I can set my own schedule (and you know that has its downside - seasonal brokeness). But now, as the latest 9-5(er) in town, I can finally relate with TGIF. Especially because I just started working this week (please send in my congratulations, haha).
Some of you might be wondering: I thought you were pursuing this writing dream and didn’t want to work a traditional job. Well, man proposes, God disposes, and this current economy will slap you back into reality! (I am kidding).
You guys already know me now - the story for how I got this job is still cooking. You will just have to be patient for when I will be ready to share the details. So, what is your weekend looking like? Catching up on your much needed sleep? Or hanging out with friends and family? For me, there will be no rest - owambe beckons!
What can a man do? It is Lagos! I will go out and enjoy myself, and cry once its Sunday evening and I realize I haven’t gotten enough sleep. Okay, enough about the weekend; let’s dive into today’s topic - dealing with heart breaks.
The pain from a broken heart is something that hits differently. Especially when you cared deeply for the one who has dragged the rug from underneath your feet. You are left with informing those who you once called excitedly to say - I am in a relationship! That said relationship no longer exists.
Amid explaining to them what went wrong, you nurse your broken heart. You mourn the loss of the relationship, and you mourn the loss of the future you once dreamt you’d have with said person. Crazy scenarios of the what ifs begin to run through your mind, and if only you could turn back the hands of time and do things differently or perhaps not even get into the relationship at all, you’d be in a better place - you tell yourself.
I have been there a number of times. However, as time goes on and maturity sets in, and you begin to fine tune the people you grant access into your life, the pain (I believe) is more excruciating because you have gotten older.
You expect your past experiences to have taught you to make better decisions. To enable you have your radars on at all times and your guard in place. Relationship outcomes however, are sometimes unpredictable, regardless of how good a relationship might appear to be.
So, the end of a relationship, especially one with few issues, is never easy to navigate. And while we may not have all the answers to our questions, you can make the decision to move forward, and begin taking steps to heal. In this article, I’d be sharing a few things that helped me heal while I dealt with a heartbreak.
God’s word: Psalm 34:18 says that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted. If there was ever a time I felt the nearness of God in my life (in recent times) it was during my last heartbreak. Because of how things ended, I needed to remind myself of who I am in Christ. Those voices in my head tormented me. They kept replaying the painful words that were spoken to me. With each reminder, my heart sank a little more - confirming that which I experienced to be reality and not a dream.
As such the Bible was a great source of comfort to me. I found solace in it, and it gave me the strength to accept things as they were and to start moving forward. I also spent a lot of time praying, asking God to strengthen my heart, to help me see myself the way he saw me, and to take away the pain.
Scriptures like Isaiah 61:1-3 (“he has sent me to heal the broken-hearted…to comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…) helped me deal with the intense pain and dread I was experiencing. I couldn't have gotten over the loss of that relationship if God hadn't been by my side. That experience taught me about the power that is in God’s word.
Don’t beat yourself up: It's fine if someone decides they don't want to be with you anymore. It simply demonstrates that they are not your life partner. Don't beat yourself up for something you have no control over, and don't try to make things work, especially if they refuse to provide any reasonable explanations for why they don't want to be with you. Learn from your experience and leave with your dignity intact.
Make the most of the people around you: God has blessed us with friends and family, and they can be a great source of support when we face difficulties in life. My family refused to let me be alone, while my friends bombarded me with phone calls to make sure I was okay. Some took me out to lunch, while others spoke words of encouragement to me. Having the right people in your corner will help soften the blows that life throws at you from time to time - make sure you are not going through life alone.
Focus on your purpose: When we are in relationships, we tend to put the things that are important to us on the back burner or keep them at bay. It is unhealthy for us to make our partners the center of our existence. I used to do this a lot (I talk more of this in the article: Codependency is bad for your relationship). Some people withdraw from family, church communities, and friends. If this describes you, now is the time to resume living your life. What is it that God has called you to do? What was your burning desire? When was your last visit to family or friends? Focus on these things.
Stop crying over spilled milk: There is a time to cry and mourn, but there is also a time to dry your tears and move forward. The person who walked away (while painful) is not the one who gives your life value. Understand that the relationship ended for a reason; for some people, God may have intervened in that way because it was not his desire for you to marry your ex - but that doesn't make your ex a villain for leaving. So, instead of crying over what has been lost, give thanks for what has occurred and begin the healing process.
That’s it for today guys! Kindly comment below on how you overcame heartbreaks (or if you have even gotten your hearts broken at all). I’d like to hear from you. Also remember to keep sharing with others, so they know about this publication.
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Those outside Nigeria, and parts of Africa where there is no restriction, can continue using the payment integration on this platform. And for those of you who have already begun supporting my work, I am incredibly grateful for it. Since its the weekend, if you haven’t yet read my short story: twists and thorns (about relationships, friendships, and betrayal) be sure to do so. I have gotten amazing feedback from the series. If you have, check out the related post below:
Why I Think My Relationship Ended